I’m going to tell you how to create relationships in your stories that feel real, the kind that make readers truly connect with your characters. Forget all the explosions and plot twists for a minute. If your characters’ connections feel fake, forced, or just plain boring, your entire story is going to fall flat. Real relationships aren’t just one static thing; they’re constantly changing, shaped by everything that’s happened to them, their individual quirks, their hidden desires, and, let’s be honest, sometimes really harsh circumstances. I’m going to walk you through how to build those genuine human connections, turning your flat characters into people who feel alive and interact in ways that resonate with your readers.
The Deep Roots: More Than Just Labels
Before you even write a single line of dialogue or put a scene into motion, the relationship needs to exist deep within your characters themselves. It’s not enough to just say, “Oh, they’re best friends” or “They’re rivals.” You need to understand the why behind that label.
Digging Up Their Shared Past
Every relationship started somewhere, in some moment that shaped the initial bond or fracture. This isn’t just about events in the plot; it’s about the emotional marks left on them.
- When They Let Their Guard Down: What moment did they see each other at their weakest? This creates an unspoken bond, almost like a secret only they share. Imagine two soldiers, stuck behind enemy lines, confessing their deepest fears. That’s not just shared danger; it’s shared, intimate terror.
- Giving Things Up (or Not): Has one character sacrificed something significant for the other? Or, on the flip side, did one character fail to do so? This really defines the unspoken debt or the lingering resentment. Think about a character who gave up their dream to care for a sibling – that creates a complicated mix of love, burden, and quiet resentment.
- The Unspoken Rules: What are the invisible rules that guide how they interact? Are they the “fun” friend, the “responsible” one, the “listener”? These roles just naturally form over time. A mother and her adult child might have an unspoken understanding: the mother will always worry, and the child will always try to reassure her, even when things are truly awful.
- First Impressions and What Came After: How did they see each other at first, and how did that perception change? People rarely stick to their initial judgments. A character who first thought another was arrogant might later discover their hidden compassion during a crisis.
Try This: For every important relationship, quickly jot down three key moments from their past that made them who they are together now. You don’t have to show all of them in your story, but you need to understand their impact.
What Each Person Needs From the Other
Relationships often start because someone needs something, whether they realize it or not. What does Character A want, and how does Character B either fulfill or mess up that desire?
- Deep Emotional Drives: Does one character need to feel validated, secure, challenged, stable, or free? How does the other character give or withhold those things? A partner who constantly needs reassurance might feel neglected by someone who shows love through practical actions, which leads to misunderstanding, not malice.
- Common Goals vs. Clashing Ambitions: Are they both working towards the same thing? Or are their personal dreams fundamentally at odds? Conflict isn’t always obvious; it can be a slow, quiet wearing down. Consider siblings who both want the same family inheritance, even if they’re outwardly polite.
- The Hidden Weight: What personal struggles does each character bring into the relationship? These burdens will always spill over, either making the bond stronger through shared struggle or breaking it under the pressure. A character silently battling an addiction will subtly manipulate or isolate themselves from loved ones, creating unexplainable distance.
Try This: For each character, list their top three core emotional needs. Then, for each relationship, look at how those needs interact. Do they fit together, clash, or create an emptiness?
How They Talk and Act: Bringing the Relationship to Life
Once you’ve built that foundation, the relationship truly comes alive through their interactions. This isn’t just about what characters say, but how they say it, what they don’t say, and what their bodies reveal.
The Power of What’s Unsaid
Dialogue is just the tip of the iceberg. The real emotional weight is hidden beneath the surface.
- Hidden Reasons: Characters rarely say exactly what they mean, especially in stressful or intimate situations. What are they really trying to do with their words? A character might ask, “Are you sure you want to do that?” not because they’re truly concerned, but because they want to control or are projecting their own fears.
- Old Wounds: Past arguments, insults, or betrayals linger beneath the surface, coloring current conversations. A seemingly innocent comment can carry the weight of a decade-old grudge. Someone asking, “Did you remember to lock the door?” might not be genuinely checking, but subtly criticizing their partner’s past forgetfulness.
- Emotional Walls: Characters use words to protect themselves, to deflect, or to hide how they truly feel. Their dialogue might be polite, sarcastic, or aggressively dismissive, all to keep their vulnerability safely tucked away. A character who responds to “I love you” with “Yeah, me too” might not lack love, but struggles to express deep emotion because of past hurt.
Try This: After writing a dialogue scene, go back and ask yourself: What is each character actually trying to communicate, under the surface? How can I show that hidden meaning through their word choice, pauses, or even non-verbal cues?
How Dialogue Shows Their History
Dialogue isn’t just about the current conversation; it’s like an echo chamber of their shared past.
- Inside Jokes & References: These immediately show intimacy and shared history, even without a lengthy explanation. Use them sparingly but effectively. “Remember the ‘incident with the squirrel’?” instantly tells the reader these characters have a past, without needing to recount the whole story.
- Unique Language/Slang: Do they have special words for things, or a particular way of speaking only understood by them? This builds a unique world around their relationship. A mother and child might have a specific nickname for a cherished toy or a particular phrase for feeling unwell.
- Comfortable Silence: Being able to sit comfortably in silence says volumes about a deep, established bond. Not every moment needs to be filled with chatter. Two old friends sitting on a porch, no words exchanged, but a palpable sense of contentment.
Try This: For established relationships, sprinkle in one or two subtle references or shared language quirks per important interaction to deepen the sense of their history.
The Unspoken Language: Body Language and How Close They Are
Actions, or the lack of them, often communicate more powerfully than words ever could.
- Distance and Touch: Do they stand close or keep their distance? Do they touch easily and often, or avoid physical contact? This speaks to comfort, intimacy, or tension. A character instinctively reaching for their partner’s hand during a stressful moment versus shrinking away from a comforting touch.
- Eye Contact: Is it direct and open, or shifty and evasive? Do they hold each other’s gaze, or quickly look away? A character who can’t meet their parent’s eye when lying about a secret.
- Moving Together: Do they move in harmony, or do their postures clash? This can reflect their emotional alignment. A couple walking in perfect step versus one character consistently lagging behind.
- Tiny Expressions and Gestures: The subtle twitch of a lip, the clenching of a jaw, a dismissive flick of the wrist. These fleeting details reveal inner states and relational dynamics. A character’s shoulders slumping imperceptibly when their spouse makes a certain critical comment.
Try This: When you’re creating a scene, think about the physical space between characters and how their bodies react to each other. “Show, don’t tell” applies intensely here. Instead of writing, “She was angry,” write, “She crossed her arms, her jaw tight.”
How Relationships Change: Living, Breathing Things
Real relationships aren’t static; they grow, change, and get tested by all of life’s challenges. If you keep them in a fixed state, they won’t feel real.
The Seeds of Change: Inside and Outside Pressures
Every interaction, every event, no matter how small, shifts the landscape of the relationship.
- Shared Hardship: Going through a significant crisis together (a loss, a battle, a difficult project) inevitably changes how characters see and understand each other. Two strangers thrust into a survival situation might emerge with an unbreakable bond or deep-seated animosity.
- Personal Growth/Staying the Same: If one character changes dramatically while the other stays the same, the relationship will feel the strain. They might simply outgrow each other. A character who finds sobriety while their partner continues substance abuse.
- New Things Appearing: New people, new opportunities, new information—these outside factors can disrupt established dynamics. The arrival of a charismatic new colleague who threatens a long-standing friendship at work.
- Trust Wearing Away: Small betrayals, broken promises, or consistent disappointments build up, slowly eroding the foundation of a relationship over time. It’s rarely just one dramatic event. A string of minor lies that eventually reveal a pattern of deceit.
Try This: Identify key turning points in your plot. How will these moments specifically impact each significant relationship? Will they strengthen, weaken, or redefine the connection?
The Relationship’s Journey: Not a Single Point
Just like characters have their own journey arcs, so do their relationships.
- How They Started: How did it begin? Was it immediate attraction, a reluctant alliance, or instant friction?
- The Challenges: What difficulties do they face together? What compromises are made? How do they handle disagreements? This is where the ‘meat’ of the relationship develops. A mentorship where the student initially idolizes the mentor, then grows to challenge their methods, eventually surpassing them.
- The Ultimate Test: What is the biggest challenge? Does the relationship survive? Is it transformed? A dramatic confession that forces siblings to confront a long-buried family secret.
- Where They End Up: What is the long-term impact? Are they stronger, broken, or fundamentally changed? Relationship resolutions aren’t always “happily ever after.” Former lovers who become estranged, but later find a fragile new friendship.
Try This: Map out the general arc for two major relationships in your story. What are their starting points, crucial turning points, and ultimate states by the end of the narrative?
Conflict as a Spark: The Engine of Change
Conflict isn’t just arguing; it’s a profound opportunity for discovery and growth within a relationship.
- Different Values: They don’t just disagree on tactics; they hold fundamentally different beliefs about right and wrong. Two friends on a quest, one willing to sacrifice innocents for the greater good, the other vehemently opposed.
- Unmet Expectations: One character believes the other should act a certain way, based on their history or perceived role. When this expectation isn’t met, friction rises. A parent who expected their child to follow in the family business, and feels betrayed when they pursue a different path.
- Old Wounds Coming Back: Arguments are rarely about the superficial issue; they’re often about an unresolved hurt from the past. A fight about leaving dishes in the sink is actually about one partner feeling consistently undervalued or unsupported.
- Power Imbalances: Who holds the power (emotional, financial, social) in the relationship? How does that power shift, and what tension does it create? A protégé who finally gains more influence than their former mentor.
Try This: When a relationship has conflict, dig deeper than the surface. What underlying values, unmet expectations, or past grievances are truly at play? How can this conflict push the relationship forward, instead of just going in circles?
The Little Details: Avoiding Blandness and Adding Depth
Generic relationships bore readers. The magic is in the specifics, the inconsistencies, and the messy reality of human connection.
Embrace Flaws: Nobody’s Perfect
Perfectly happy relationships are boring and uninteresting. Introduce flaws and quirks.
- Selfishness & Manipulation: Even characters who deeply love each other can be selfish or manipulative, sometimes without even realizing it. A genuinely loving spouse who subtly guilt-trips their partner to get their way.
- Misunderstandings & Bad Communication: People often fail to communicate properly, leading to frustrating (and realistic) friction. One character assumes the other understands their subtle hints, leading to disappointment when their needs aren’t met.
- Contradictory Behaviors: Love can exist right alongside irritation, admiration with jealousy. People are complicated. A sibling who fiercely protects their brother from outsiders but constantly argues with him in private.
Try This: For each positive trait in a relationship, consider a parallel negative or challenging aspect. If they’re fiercely loyal, perhaps they’re also fiercely possessive.
The Shifting Tides of Affection and Resentment
Emotions in relationships are rarely just one thing or constant.
- Love and Annoyance: You can profoundly love someone and yet be intensely irritated by their quirks. Show this duality. A character who dotes on their eccentric aunt but also rolls their eyes at her predictable, over-the-top pronouncements.
- Admiration and Jealousy: It’s natural to admire someone while also feeling a pang of jealousy at their successes. A best friend who cheers for their buddy’s promotion but secretly worries they’ll be left behind.
- Dependence and Resentment: Being reliant on someone can create both gratitude and a quiet resentment of that dependence. A character who relies on a friend’s financial support, grateful but also feeling small and trapped.
Try This: In a scene where a character feels one strong emotion towards another, explore the subtle presence of an opposing or complicating emotion. How does their body language or tone of voice betray this complexity?
The Ripple Effect: Relationships in the Bigger Picture
No relationship exists in a vacuum. Every connection affects the others.
- Alliances and Splits: Relationships form natural alliances (e.g., two friends against a common enemy) and sometimes create divisions within a larger group. A new romantic relationship causing tension within a long-standing friend group.
- Influence and Change: One relationship can profoundly influence a character’s other connections, for better or worse. A strained relationship with a parent might make a character overly dependent on their partner.
- Echoes of the Past: Relationships often reflect dynamics from a character’s past. How does a new relationship echo or diverge from their parental bonds, or first love? A character who subconsciously seeks out partners who remind them of an emotionally distant parent.
Try This: Consider your story’s network of relationships. How does a change in one relationship ripple through others, creating new tensions or harmonies?
Bringing It All Together: The Richness of Connection
Creating believable relationships is a continuous process. It demands empathy, close observation, and a willingness to explore the messy, beautiful complexities of human interaction. It means going beyond simple labels and diving into the rich tapestry of shared history, unspoken desires, evolving dynamics, and the inevitable moments of friction and tenderness. Your characters’ lives will feel vibrant and real not just because of what they do, but because of how they connect—and disconnect—with the people around them. Master this, and you master the art of storytelling, captivating your audience with the profound resonance of authentic human experience.